Recycling is very popular these days. Everyone is doing it and many are making money from it. It’s not just tires that are getting a new lease on life either, thoughts and ideas are being spiffed up too. Among those profiting from putting a new spin on an old argument are people like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. When I read somewhere that Hitchens was considered an intellectual I almost blew spaghetti out of my nose. I don’t doubt that he’s clever but to say he’s especially good at thought and reasoning is going a bit too far.
I heartily agree with Hitchens and company when it comes to religion. It’s nasty and it’s wrong. Joseph Campbell says that from the moment we are born there is someone standing there with a net trying to capture our souls, our free will. Our parents want to trap us into being a little “mini-me”, religion does it’s best to pry our free will from our possession or make us feel guilty if we don’t. Everyone wants a piece of us.
In my own search for God and the meaning of life I explored the cave that is atheism and found myself happy to leave it. At first the dark confines of the cave consoled me but they did not sustain me and I found myself unhappy there. I understand people who don’t believe in God and I understand the arguments. I even believed them myself until I realized that I was missing something. I had judged God based on the conflicting rumors, opinions and hearsay of others and old-fashioned commonsense says that isn’t right. I had not made any effort at all to look for myself. I was ashamed because I realized that I was a lemming after all.
When a failed business venture shook my faith in life, in myself and in the ethic and wisdom of hard work and giving, a series of events took place that led me down a path that transformed my life. Up to that point I had been in and out of the God and religion debate. I had passionately defended both sides and ended up believing there was in fact a God but I wasn’t sure who He really was. I was reasonably sure that He didn’t know me personally or that I even registered as a fly on his radar screen. I’m a small fry and I know it. And there are billions of us so really...it just stands to reason that He wouldn’t know me. But I was persuaded to pretend that He did care and that He really was there and so I began with the traditional nightly prayer. At first it was the child’s prayer-now I lay me down to sleep-because it was all I could remember. Then I changed to the Lord’s prayer which I would try to repeat with each word coming from my heart but I would always stumble when I got to the part about forgiving others. Praying was embarrassingly awkward at first but once I got used to doing it it became incredibly easy. Praying led to long-winded, one-sided dialogue. And the nightly dialogue extended itself into the day and I found myself talking to God, all day, every day, pretending He was a real person and that He was standing there beside me, listening. If God existed then I was going to find Him come hell or high water. I had a lot of questions and I felt I deserved answers to each and every one of them. Everyday I would say to God “Well I’m waiting. I’m waiting for my answers. Jesus says if I keep asking, you will answer, if I seek, I will find. So, what’s the story? What’s the deal? Who’s God are you? Are you some sort of craziness or are you the God that Jesus spoke of? Why do you let bad things happen to good people and vice verse?” Every argument I had ever heard, every question I could think of-day after day. Sometimes I would even wake up in the middle of the night and say ”Oh, and another thing God” and I would go on a verbal rampage over some issue. I was consumed. I simply had to know one way or another and I wasn’t taking no for an answer.
I reminded God of all the good things I had done and my motivations for doing them. I reminded Him of all the times I thought it was more important to do the right thing than to do what I am told is right. Truly, with all my heart and all my soul, I pleaded my case before Him. As Jesus said I took my clothes and folded them neatly under me and then I bowed before Him. You find you cannot lie to God. It is impossible and so it all comes out, all the emotion just comes raging out of you like lava erupting from a volcano.
My encounter with the Holy Trinity began on a Friday morning about a month before Easter about five years ago. I had been dialoguing with God (read ranting like a lunatic) for about two weeks and I was lying in bed worrying about the future and my dire circumstances. Very clearly, like I was wearing headphones, a voice said “Everything will be all right”. I simply could not have been more shocked. It was not a whisper or a strong thought-it was a voice, inside my head, clear and distinct, announcing that all would be well. One might think that I would have been content with this but knowing that He really was there (and seriously hoping He was merciful) I continued my daily tirades. I wanted answers and now I knew I could get them.
It was about 10 days or so later and I was sitting on the edge of my bed. I had finished my evening prayer/dialogue session with God and I was just sitting there thinking how tired I was, too tired even to get into bed. My body physically ached from the years of hard work I had done and I was truly despondent and weary. Suddenly I had the sensation that something had entered my body. I had the feeling that what ever it was, it was looking for something and I joked to myself saying” Whatever it is, I hope they find what they're looking for soon because I’m tired and I want to sleep”. Then it exploded and my entire body experienced a sensation that I can only describe as energy moving very quickly through my body, it felt like my blood was being pulled at lightening speed through my veins. It didn’t hurt but it was an uncomfortable sensation. I was too astonished to be frightened so I just sat there thinking “This can’t be right. This isn’t normal”. Then the energy changed direction. Instead of whipping through me in an almost circular motion I could feel it being pulled up and out through my head. At one point I could feel that my legs were normal as the energy was exiting straight up through my torso. I could almost envision someone standing on my shoulders and pulling this energy out, like a magician pulling a very long scarf out of a hat. Then it was gone and I just sat there somewhat stunned and wondering WTF? Then I noticed that my body didn’t ache anymore. I felt refreshed. I could stand without my feet screaming for rest, I could move my arms and legs without my muscles crying in pain.
In retrospect I should have kept a diary so I can only estimate that it was about 2 weeks later that I woke one morning to another surprise. I was lying on my left side and my right hand was slightly closed and in front of my face. When I opened my eyes I saw fine red lines running through the palm of my hand. I felt like Scrooge when he gets the visit from the third ghost in A Christmas Carol. Immediately, I knew what it was but I thought perhaps I had been using a red pen the day before or maybe that I had bruised it. I got out of bed and looked at it under the light. There were several red lines radiating from the center of my palm about 2 inches long and they were so close to the surface that I felt I could prick them with a pin.
I know all the ‘scientific’ arguments that can be used to ‘explain’ claims such as mine but as far as I’m concerned I asked God if He knew me, I asked who He was and I asked Him repeatedly to be very clear and definite in His answer. And He was. If it were only the voice and the lines on my hand then perhaps, over time I could be persuaded to use science to explain it away. But I can not deny the Holy Spirit and the power that she has. Jesus says the Holy Spirit never forgives blasphemy and I believe that to deny Her is blasphemy of the worst kind.
C.S. Lewis says: “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” The wonderful thing about Jesus is that He encourages us to look for God and to look for truth. He encourages us to use our free will. He encourages us to see everything else. He says there is nothing hidden that won’t be revealed. Finding God was a journey for me with a lot of painful detours along the way and it continues to be a struggle to stay connected, although I don’t know why.
There’s a popular and often misunderstood quote from Robert Frost: “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I / I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference.” If you are not familiar with the entire poem then the above lines are easily misinterpreted and sound very heroic and life transforming. Jesus too has long been misquoted and his words mistranslated, misinterpreted, and otherwise twisted.
If we strip away all the grit from the grave of The Word which has been accumulating through the centuries, we find that Jesus encouraged people not to follow rules and that he directed his disciples to refrain from making any. We find that Jesus recommends that we should each have our own private and personal relationship with God and that we should keep it a secret. He tells us to look for our own inner light. He tells us not to pray by rote but to speak to God using our own words that come from our heart and that when we speak the truth from our hearts that God will hear us and make Himself known, in other words, He will give us a sign that He is listening.
I would sincerely encourage anyone considering jumping on the new atheist bandwagon or anyone currently riding it, to take the road that is truly less travelled for the journey of a lifetime.
